How Much for Happy
by cherryXbomb
Summary: Song fics about each character from Cassie Steele's CD How Much for Happy.
1. Not Yours Truly

**Title: **How Much For Happy 

**Chapter Title: **Not Yours Truly

**Author: **cherryXbomb

**Rating: **PG-13

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi, nor Manny Santos. I don't own the song Not Yours Truly nor the CD How Much for Happy. I only own the series that I'm writing and since I'm using other people's things… I'm not sure I own that.

**Author's Note: **The song is Not Yours Truly from Cassie Steele's CD How Much for Happy. This whole series is just POV pieces from different Degrassi characters and different ships using the entire How Much for Happy CD. I'd suggest that you check out the CD or at least the song because it's beautiful!

**Summary: **I'm not cute little Manny Santos anymore. I'm hot and all the guys know it… even Craig.

Watch me, as I'm coming in the room I feel your stare 

_Watch me, in a crowd of people I can feel you there_

_Watch me, cause I'm mine and you don't own me_

_Watch me, I'll use you and abuse you then leave you lonely_

I always lived in Emma Nelson's shadow. She was my best friend and for some reason, I was always viewed as only her best friend. That changed though. I joined Spirit Squad and came out from under her shadow a little bit. Then Craig Manning became interested in me, though he dumped me for being too young after one date. That was the catalyst in my life. After Craig dumped me for being too young, I decided to make my image sexier. I'm not cute little Manny Santos anymore. I'm hot and all the guys know it… even Craig.

_Watch me_

_Touch me_

_I know you want me_

_I'm so sexy_

I see how Craig looks at me. He undresses me with his eyes whenever I walk into a room. He won't admit it though. He will not admit that he made a mistake last year. That I had grown up over the summer and suddenly, I wasn't the cute little girl that reminded him of his half-sister. And though he won't admit that he's into me, I can see it.

But it's not as if he can admit that he's into me. He has Ashley and I know how she is. She controls him and plays him hot and cold. One day he'll see her for what she is. She's a control freak who has someone to control. But she isn't doing that good of a job. Because he doesn't want her half the time. I can tell because I see it in his eyes. He wants me. He didn't want cute Manny. He wants hot Ashley. And I'm going to make him realize that he wants me more.

_Don't expect too much from me_

_I'm not your little girl_

_Don't expect too much from me_

_Cuz I'm not your little girl_

_I'm not yours_

_I'm not your_

_I'm not your little girl_

Mama and Papi don't like my new look. They don't approve of my new clothes, my hair, or my make-up. They want me to always be little Manuella Santos who was always dressed modestly. They want the old me that thought that thongs looked incredibly uncomfortable and was afraid to go commando. They want my devout Catholicism and they don't want me to be who I am now. They don't want the girl in the low rider jeans and the tube tops with the curly hair. They want the girl who wore leggings that didn't suit her and hair styles that looked as though they belonged to a seven year old. They wanted the old me. But that isn't me.

Papi went as far as to call the priest to discuss my sinful nature. I had to listen to a lecture about promiscuity and modesty. I honestly felt as though I were in a Charlie Brown cartoon because I didn't care about what they were saying. I was just hoping to get out of there in time to go to the rave with Emma.

I don't think Emma even likes the new me. I can tell that she thinks it is too much. She is always about the modesty and the substance over style. But she's always had a boyfriend. She's always had Sean until just recently. And now she's caught the eye of Chris Sharpe. She just doesn't understand. But it doesn't matter to me. Mama, Papi, and Emma don't matter. Sully matters. Craig matters. The hatred, the jealousy, the threats of hell… they are all worth it. I could listen to threats of eternal damnation all day if it meant just one look from a guy that didn't acknowledge me prior to my new look.

_Touch me, yeah I know you want to but you know you can't_

_Touch me, I get more satisfaction with my own hands_

_Touch me, yeah I know you like it when I scream your name_

_Touch me, yeah you know I'd let you but you'd go insane_

After Paige's party, I lost my virginity to Craig. I'd see him in the halls with Ashley and I'd see how he'd look at me. He never knew that I watched him that closely, but I did. Of course, he always had Ashley glued to his side after that moment. Even though I could see it in his eyes that he wanted to kiss me, he couldn't. Ashley wouldn't let him. Which is why I went to the rave with Emma. I went under the façade of helping Emma get Chris, but in all reality, I was hoping that Craig would be there without Ashley. I just needed one more kiss from him.

I know that he needs one more night with me. His secret smiles in the hall tell me that. They tell me that he wants to feel my lips upon his and my tongue in his mouth. They tell me that he wants to touch me but he can't. I can tell that it's driving him crazy to pretend to be into Ashley when all he does is look at me.

_Watch me_

_Touch me_

_I know you want me_

_I'm so sexy_

Then finally came the rave. I watched as Craig came into sight, without Ashley and I approached. We danced and I could see lust in his dark eyes. But he couldn't admit it. He wanted to stay loyal to Ashley, but more than anything he wanted to have another round with me. I promised that I could keep a secret and we went back to Emma's house. But we never got to go all the way because Emma came home before we could. She was so angry to find me in her bed with a guy. Instead of asking the usual girly questions that friends are supposed to ask, she became the self-righteous girl that I've always known. And a few days later, I had lost my best friend.

_Don't expect too much from me_

_I'm not your little girl_

_Don't expect too much from me_

_Cuz I'm not your little girl_

_I'm not yours_

_I'm not your_

_I'm not your little girl_

Craig and I dated for awhile, but he was still with Ashley. Then he was supposed to break up with her but didn't. Finally, Ashley and I agreed on one thing. We both dumped him. But unfortunately, it didn't last. I ended up getting pregnant. I decided I was too young for a baby. Craig wasn't ready and that baby would've had the worst life ever. I had an abortion.

A year later I realize that I was stupid back then. I was only fourteen when I had my abortion. I was so young. Emma and I are cool again, though she has made some huge mistakes lately. She also really hurt me a week ago. She mentioned my abortion, which had become a taboo subject for us. But I have forgiven her. Just like she forgave me for being so stupid last year. Craig broke my heart and called me a mistake. He got back with Ashley.

Now I'm not only the hot girl though. I'm the one leading the Spirit Squad while Paige is out frolicking with Mr. Oleander. I got Spinner from Paige even though that didn't last long. He turned into someone completely evil and he wasn't the guy I thought he was. But now I get what I want, whatever it takes.

Everyone knows I'm no longer a little girl. I'm Manny Santos and I know what I want. My looks are one means to get it. I believe that the end justifies the way that you do something and I don't care what it takes. When I want something, I'm going to get it no matter the cost. I'm Manny Santos and, contrary to popular belief, I'm not the school slut.


	2. Famous

**Title: **How Much For Happy 

**Chapter Title: **Famous

**Author: **cherryXbomb

**Rating: **PG-13

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi or Ashley Kerwin. I don't own the song Famous nor the CD How Much for Happy. I only own the series that I'm writing and since I'm using other people's things… I'm not sure I own that.

**Author's Note: **The song is Famous from Cassie Steele's CD How Much for Happy. This whole series is just POV pieces from different Degrassi characters and different ships using the entire How Much for Happy CD. I'd suggest that you check out the CD or at least the song because it's beautiful!

**Summary: **And everyone would be screaming for me in the audience, not knowing that the real Mr. Nice Guy was among them.

I will be famous one day 

_The people screaming my name_

_I will be famous one day_

_Your gonna know my face_

_I'm gonna rock your world_

_And you won't think about her_

After Craig cheated on me, I put my mind into my music. I wanted so bad to just become the best so I could prove to him that he made a mistake. Then I heard about the battle of bands. I called Paige and Hazel in hopes of resuscitating PMS. But we didn't have Terri anymore and PMS isn't PMS without Terri. So we asked Ellie to join and I began to write. But nothing seemed to work until I was giving the advice to write what I knew. So I wrote about Craig. I wrote about how much he hurt me and we named the band Hell Hath No Fury. And I prayed that we would win. I prayed that Hell Hath No Fury would get the recording studio so we could become famous and I could make sure to leave Craig out of the credits. It would be for the pain he caused me. And then he won't think about Manny Santos.

_Hot, so hot_

_Yeah I'm hot, so hot_

If we got signed, I know that Paige would get the most time on magazine covers but hopefully there would be a few with me staring out so Craig would go to the grocery store and be reminded of what he lost. He wouldn't be able to escape. He'd turn on the radio and hear my voice assaulting him for the pain he caused me. He'd have to finally feel what I felt when he ripped my heart out of my chest and crushed it into a million tiny pieces. And finally I might have closure, though I doubt that I could ever have closure without seeing his face.

_Scream for me, Scream for me_

_Scream for me, dream of me_

_Scream for me, scream for me_

_Scream, scream, and scream whoa_

In this dream, he's in the front row at one of my concerts, staring up at me and the girls with his big doe eyes. He's dreaming of me, but I refuse to look at him. I only sing one song to him, Mr. Nice Guy. I finally finished the lyrics and Paige, Ellie, and Hazel love them. And everyone would be screaming for me in the audience, not knowing that the real Mr. Nice Guy was among them. The guys would dream of me and of hurting the guy who hurt me so much. But they'd never know that by then I'd be completely over it.

_I'm gonna be a star_

_My voice will leave a scar_

_I'm gonna be a star_

_Fulfill your lonely heart_

If we win and I become famous, my words will scar him like he scarred me. But even if we don't win, I know that at the battle of the bands he'll be scarred by my words. I know this because I saw him after rehearsal. He was so angry and I felt vindicated. I was so angry at him for what he did to me I could've cared less that he was angry that my lyrics were a jibe at him. He doesn't want me to perform them but I know I'm going to and I know that I'll be looking at him and singing to him the entire time that I'm on stage. I want him to feel what I've felt for the last few months.

_Hot, so hot_

_Yeah I'm hot, so hot_

He wasn't there in the audience as I sang. But so many other people were and they all loved our song. I know we're going to win. My lyrics were perfect and the girls know how to play their instruments. I know that we'll win. Last I heard, Downtown Sasquatch didn't even have lyrics.

_Scream for me, scream for me_

_Scream for me, dream for me_

_Scream for me, scream for me_

_Scream, scream, scream, whoa_

We didn't win. Downtown Sasquatch did. And though that hurts more than anything, I actually heard the lyrics. It turns out that Craig has been dreaming for me. He has been trying to apologize but I know I can't accept it. The wound is too fresh to be pouring salt on. I know that if I let him in again he'll hurt me again. He'll break my heart and my heart is already shattered.


	3. Fantasy

**Title: **How Much For Happy 

**Chapter Title: **Fantasy

**Author: **cherryXbomb

**Rating: **PG-13

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi, Emma Nelson, or Jay Hogart. I don't own the song Fantasy nor the CD How Much for Happy. I only own the series that I'm writing and since I'm using other people's things… I'm not sure I own that.

**Author's Note: **The song is Fantasy from Cassie Steele's CD How Much for Happy. This whole series is just POV pieces from different Degrassi characters and different ships using the entire How Much for Happy CD. I'd suggest that you check out the CD or at least the song because it's beautiful!

**Summary: **Or does he see the real me? Does he see the dead hazel eyes that reflect my dead soul and my frozen heart? Does he see the depression that pretty much lurks behind every corner of my being?

You want something I can't give 

_You want a life that I can't live_

_You need anything but me_

_Baby_

_You want commitment but I don't_

_I say I will but boy I won't_

_I don't have time to spend forever_

Jay Hogart used to be everything that I stood against. He used to be the epitome of evil to me. He was a bad ass and a thief. But somehow that changed and I stopped seeing him as a criminal. Instead, I saw him as Sean's best friend. Then in Wasaga, I saw him as a boy who I could possibly have feelings for. But in the ravine, I discovered the depths of Jason Hogart.

At first I didn't think that I could give him a blow job. I didn't even really know too much about them. I knew what they were and I knew that his dick went into my mouth but that's about it. I was still too naïve. But after watching how Amy reacted to my bracelets I knew that I was ready. I wanted that bracelet to be real. I wanted to enter his world.

I knew that I couldn't stay forever. I knew that his world wouldn't accept me. I just wanted to visit and see what I was missing. So I went into the van with him and earned a bracelet. I earned a new bracelet a night for a few nights until Alex finally figured out what was going on. That's when it all stopped.

_Baby oh you make me sick_

_Why can't you accept it?_

_You've made an image that you think is me_

_It's so much harder than you know_

_Letting you go_

He made me sick. Literally and figuratively speaking. He gave me gonorrhea, which is a social disease. He got me labeled a whore along with my best friend Manny. But that didn't matter to me. What made me the sickest about him was that I still found myself drawn into.

Then he made that comment about me having virtue. A girl with virtue wouldn't have done what I did. A girl with virtue wouldn't be sick with a STD. A girl with virtue wouldn't have done that with a guy who was taken. He has the image of me Cause Girl who fought for people and the environment and animals. He still thinks I'm Greenpeace. Maybe he has a fantasy about hooking up with a good girl and corrupting her without her ever losing a thread of her virtue and innocence. Now if only I could just get over him and stop going back.

_Look behind my eyes_

_Can you still see me?_

_Or am I gone, just a fantasy?_

I want to ask him who he sees when he looks into my eyes. Is it Greenpeace, who seems to be his fantasy version of me. I haven't been myself in so long that it concerns me. Or does he see the real me? Does he see the dead hazel eyes that reflect my dead soul and my frozen heart? Does he see the depression that pretty much lurks behind every corner of my being? I don't think he does. I think he sees someone completely different. He sees a girl with virtue… something I'm lacking as of late.

_I look into your eyes_

_Grows insanity_

_Or are you searching for that fantasy?_

I look into his eyes and I don't see who I used to hate. I see someone who I've become identical to. I see someone whose grown hard because of the influences around them. I see someone who has to struggle to maintain an identity in a society that usurps individuality and makes people into clones. But I don't think he sees me. I watch has he goes crazier and crazier when he looks at me but I know that it's not me that he's seeing.

_You say it's me but it's just her_

_You don't accept me and it hurts_

_You avoid the real me_

_Baby_

_I'm better off just by myself_

_I don't need anybody else_

_Stop playing mind games_

He refuses to accept that maybe I'm not the virtuous Cause Girl that he seems to invision me as. He is in lust with the person I used to be. The good girl that he can corrupt. But instead he gets the new me. The one that has become so jaded by life that she goes to the ravine and hooks up for bracelets as an escape. Bracelets aren't worth your health. They aren't really worth anything in monetary value but the momentary feeling of bliss I get when I'm there is worth it. It's the numbing bliss of an escape.

But I know that I'm better off without Jay Hogart. He plays mind games. He calls me Greenpeace and insists that I'm virtuous so he wouldn't tell Alex about me. I think he's partially ashamed. I know that I'm just an endeavor for him. A trophy in his collection of sexual partners. But I don't care because now I'm done with him. He was a trophy for me as well. I was using him and I know it.

_Baby oh you make me sick_

_Why can't you accept it?_

_You've made an image who you think is me_

_It's so much harder than you know_

_Letting you go_

And even as I made the decision to stop everything I can't stop myself from thinking about him. I look at my wrists and think of the last time I spoke to him about our little encounters. He turned me down in the ravine. He had just gotten dumped by Alex, which honestly shocked me. But I can't get him out of my mind. I know I'm not falling for him but somehow I can't let him go.

_Look behind my face_

_Can you still see me?_

_Or am I gone, just a fantasy?_

_I look into your eyes_

_Grows insanity_

_Oh are you searching for that fantasy?_

He was my escape. I was his sexual endeavor. We both provided one another with good times that couldn't be found in others around us. And we both knew that the time was over. But somehow, tonight I found myself in the van with him, kissing him. And then I woke up and there was a dull aching in my heart. Maybe he wasn't seeing me as a fantasy. Maybe I was fantasizing about him being the one that could save me.


	4. Bluebird

**Title: **How Much For Happy 

**Chapter Title: **Bluebird

**Author: **cherryXbomb

**Rating: **PG-13

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi or the character Alex. I don't own the song Bluebird nor the CD How Much for Happy. I only own the series that I'm writing and since I'm using other people's things… I'm not sure I own that.

**Author's Note: **The song is Bluebird from Cassie Steele's CD How Much for Happy. This whole series is just POV pieces from different Degrassi characters and different ships using the entire How Much for Happy CD. I'd suggest that you check out the CD or at least the song because it's beautiful!

**Summary: **His apartment complex had a door that could go to the roof of the building. Whenever my home life would get too bad I'd go hide up there. And that is where I got introduced to Amy and Jay.

As I swim mermaids dance with me 

_And I drown they romance with me_

_They sing sweet little harmonies_

_Louder and louder until I can't breathe_

I've always wanted an escape from my home life. When I was a child, I used swimming. I would go under the water and not have to worry about my mom's boyfriend of the week giving me a bruise that later my mom would have to conceal with foundation. I didn't have to worry about her boyfriend of the week touching me in places that no child should be touched in. Being submerged in the water would allow me an escape long enough to sort out my thoughts and be away. I didn't have to hear the fighting or watch the violence. I even loved the feeling that you get when you stay underwater for too long and your chest feels like its about to explode. I loved that feeling. I loved the buzzing in my ears after I got out of the water. I just loved it. I just loved the escape that water provided.

_Hey bluebird on my shoulder_

_Can you carry me over?_

Then I got older and swimming didn't work anymore. For one thing we moved out of the apartment complex with the heated indoor pool into my mom's boyfriend's house. This one seemed to be lasting. He had stuck around for six months, which was a record. I don't think my dad even lasted that long and she got pregnant with him. Only thing is that he's the worst of them all. He sneaked into my bedroom every night at the old place until I started to run away. He left bruises on me and my mother. I felt so uncomfortable moving in with him that I searched for a new escape and found it. His apartment complex had a door that could go to the roof of the building. Whenever my home life would get too bad I'd go hide up there. And that is where I got introduced to Amy and Jay.

_I talked to Bluebird, she said why walk when you can fly_

_She told me baby, life tastes better when you're high_

_I said hey Bluebird, can you take me for a ride?_

_Leave me on a cloud, I'll live with bluebirds in the sky_

They were up there drinking one night. I came up and they started to freak out. They thought I was a cop. When I told them I was a tenet, they started to talk to me. We shared life stories and discovered that we all had so much in common. We all came from abusive families in the same building. We sort of formed a little support group up on that roof. We became three of the toughest kids in Toronto and we were only in grade 7. Then right before we entered grade 9, Jay introduced us to this guy Towerz. Towerz had just moved into 9B and seemed to be the final element of our group. By then, me and Jay were dating. I was getting high every day with Jay and Amy. Towerz just seemed to be convenient… or maybe we seemed convenient for him. Either way, he got us cheap drugs and we got him friends. By the time we started high school, we were already some of the most feared kids around.

_As I walk I can feel the heat_

_As it burns I can smell the sweet_

_Piece by piece I am yours to feast_

_All this pain is seducing me_

But I got tired of all the shit. I got tired of the drugs and the hanging out on the rooftop. It didn't suit me. I got tired of being viewed as only Jay's girlfriend. I didn't have an identity beyond that. I was just Jay's girlfriend. No one knew me. Then Jay brought another member to our group. It was Sean Cameron. Sean introduced Towerz to Liberty Van Zandt, this extremely geeky girl that Towerz had been interested in for a long time. That was when our group started to disintegrate. I started to search for a new spot to hang out that wasn't 10 floors up. I hit the pavement.

I would walk barefoot through the streets in Toronto or on the beach. I liked the heat on my skin. It made me feel connected. I walked the entire summer between Grades 10 and 11. By the time I reached Grade 11 I was less apt to punch people for looking at me and I was more apt to be open to different ideas. But I didn't want to lose my reputation over night.

_Hey bluebird on my shoulder_

_Can you carry me over?_

Then I ran for student council president and almost outed this gay student Marco Del Rossi. I didn't do it but Jay did. And Marco recovered beautifully from it. I ended up voting for him because he seemed as though he genuinely wanted the position as more than just an image makeover. He wanted to do real things for the school… he wanted to unite us in freakish harmony. Then he named me vice president though I had threatened to tell the whole world that he was gay. He seemed to carry me over the real issues. I even got involved in an anti-violence campaign with Emma Nelson. I became friends with Paige Michalchuk when she came to work with me at the movie theater. I started to befriend people who the year before I despised.

_I talked to Bluebird, she said why walk when you can fly_

_She told me baby, life tastes better when you're high_

_I said hey Bluebird, can you take me for a ride?_

_Leave me on a cloud, I'll live with bluebirds in the sky. _

I had found the best escape. It wasn't drugs. It was friends that I didn't have to worry about dumping me if I wasn't tough enough. I didn't have to worry about any of them stealing my boyfriend either. Amy ended up helping Jay serial cheat on me. I'm through with them. They aren't as cool as the rest of my new friends. They aren't smart like Marco. They aren't talented like Craig. They don't know how to deflate egos with a mere glance like Paige. They aren't super talented, kindhearted euchre players like Ellie. They just weren't anything compared to my new friends… my real friends.


	5. Jaded

**Title: **How Much For Happy 

**Chapter Title: **Jaded

**Author: **cherryXbomb

**Rating: **PG-13

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi or the characters Ashley Kerwin or Craig Manning. I don't own the song Jaded nor the CD How Much for Happy. I only own the series that I'm writing and since I'm using other people's things… I'm not sure I own that.

**Author's Note: **The song is Jaded from Cassie Steele's CD How Much for Happy. This whole series is just POV pieces from different Degrassi characters and different ships using the entire How Much for Happy CD. I'd suggest that you check out the CD or at least the song because it's beautiful!

**POV: **The first verse of the song is Craig's POV. The second verse is Ashley's POV. I had to put a special note on this one because I'm pretty sure this is the only time I'm doing it.

**Summary: **I wanted to have the ability to be in love with life, despite the bad things that had happened, to add beauty to the world just by living. But I couldn't, my soul seemed dead.

Isn't it cold outside 

_When it feels like no one's loving you_

_But I'm watching you _

_And I'll never hold you down_

When I met Ashley Kerwin, she was in a state of constant confusion. She didn't know who she was. She only knew who she wasn't. She wasn't the perfect little girl that everyone said she was in grade 8. She wasn't Jimmy Brooks' girlfriend, though they put on that façade after Sean wrecked Jimmy's party. She wasn't even the Gothic Barbie doll that she tried so hard to be. She was a girl stuck somewhere in the middle, lost in self-doubt and confusion.

She was alienated from most of her friends. She seemed to look as though no one loved her. Everyone had loved the old Ashley Kerwin, but they didn't even remotely like the new one. I can't really blame them. The new Ashley wasn't her. She looked as though she wore a mask every day.

_And they say_

_That souls can never fade_

_But along the way_

_It seems your shadow was erased_

She had faded from who she was and was lost in the process of becoming who she wanted to be. Then I got partnered with her in Kwan's class. I learned that she was so intelligent. She knew the true meaning of the Taming of the Shrew. She didn't just know it; she was living it. She said it was about breaking a person and making them into a lesser version of themselves. She didn't realize yet that that's what Jimmy was doing with her. He only loved the old Ashley. He didn't see the beauty that Ashley possessed, despite what look she had.

_Life is jaded, love has faded_

_Let me take you away from here oh_

_Let me kiss you, they won't miss you_

_Let me lift you away from here_

I wanted to save her. I waited and stood aside as she broke up with Jimmy again. I became her friend and just prayed that one day, I could be more. That day soon came. When my father died, Ash was there to comfort me. She saved me and I saved her. Together, we started on a voyage to help each other find our real selves.

_Aren't you paranoid _

_When it feels like someone's watching you?_

_But I'm protecting you_

_And you need not be afraid_

Craig Manning came into my life when I most needed him. I was so lost in trying to become myself. And he was lost in trying to find a family. He found Joey Jeremiah but he still longed to be his father's son. You could tell it in your eyes. He was a lost soul. I made it my habit to observe him, even though that seemed creepy.

Finally, I got to meet him and spend time with him. But I was with Jimmy, even though I wasn't happy. Then I learned the true meaning of the Taming of the Shrew. The Taming of the Shrew was a metaphor for the relationship I had with Jimmy. And I knew as we performed that my relationship with Jimmy was dead, but my relationship with Craig was just beginning. I never meant to fall in love with him. I only meant to be his friend.

_And they said_

_To follow voices in your head_

_And that's where I fed_

_My soul when I was dead_

Craig was an artistic soul. He was a brilliant photographer and musician. He seemed to be in touch with his inner self. He was what I had wanted to be. I wanted to be that self-actualized. I wanted to have the ability to be in love with life, despite the bad things that had happened, to add beauty to the world just by living. But I couldn't, my soul seemed dead.

_Life is jaded, love has faded_

_Let me take you away from here oh_

_Let me kiss you, they won't miss you_

_Let me lift you away from here_

Then Craig's dad came back into his life. Craig gave him a second chance to no avail and his dad ended up dead. Craig was distraught and I wanted nothing more than to save him. I wanted him to see that though his dad was dead, his future wasn't. And then we became a couple at the Luau dance. And I've never been happier.


	6. Rock Your Bones

**Title: **How Much For Happy 

**Chapter Title: **Rock Your Bones

**Author: **cherryXbomb

**Rating: **PG-13

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi or the characters Manny Santos, Spinner Mason, and Paige Michalchuk. I don't own the song Rock Your Bones nor the CD How Much for Happy. I only own the series that I'm writing and since I'm using other people's things… I'm not sure I own that.

**Author's Note: **The song is Rock Your Bones from Cassie Steele's CD How Much for Happy. This whole series is just POV pieces from different Degrassi characters and different ships using the entire How Much for Happy CD. I'd suggest that you check out the CD or at least the song because it's beautiful!

**Warning: **Surprise ahead!

**Summary: **She started to become controlling and domineering and Spinner finally was able to see her like so many saw her. Paige had taken off that painted smile and let Spinner see the hell monster below. Paige was really just a jealous wench, afraid that someone would rise above her and kick her off her high horse.

She called and asked honey where could he be 

_So sorry girl but your man is with me_

_She called and asked baby where is he_

_So sorry girl but your man is with me_

Paige Michalchuk has always had everything. She had the Spirit Squad captainship, she had one of the hottest guys in school, and she was the most popular girl in Toronto. And for some odd reason, many people thought that I was her protégée. They couldn't be more wrong.

Paige was too good for me to be her protegee. She was innocent, despite the fact that she got raped. She didn't deserve half of the things she had. She didn't deserve to be the captain of Spirit Squad. I was much prettier. She didn't deserve to have Spinner and she didn't deserve to be the most popular girl in school. And the sad thing was, I could only change one of those things… Spinner.

_I rocked his bones_

_He rocked my bones_

_He was alone_

_So I rocked him_

Paige and Spin had been having a rough time for awhile. She backed his brand new car into Dean's at a party. And he almost took the blame. To make matters worse, he forgave her. I wouldn't have forgiven someone for doing that to my new car that I worked so hard for. But I don't think that he fully forgave her.

I invited him to play at the car wash. Paige got sick and Spinner and I started to flirt.

_Oh if you didn't complain_

_There'd be nothing to ignore_

_Maybe if you weren't a pain_

_Just the wife and I'm his whore_

Hazel showed Paige the picture of me and Spinner hugging at the car wash and Paige started to get royally pissed, as a queen bee should. She didn't want me to take her man. She started to become controlling and domineering and Spinner finally was able to see her like so many saw her. Paige had taken off that painted smile and let Spinner see the hell monster below. Paige was really just a jealous wench, afraid that someone would rise above her and kick her off her high horse.

_I rocked his bones_

_He rocked my bones_

_I was alone_

_So he rocked me_

So they broke up, but not before Craig and Spinner got into a very public fight over me. Better, it was at Paige's job. Paige got tired of him wanting me and dumped him in the cafeteria. I was ready to comfort him and he was ready to comfort me.

_Maybe if I wasn't a tease_

_You'd still have a man_

_But he was so willing to please_

_The man with the magic hands_

There was only one problem. Spinner is a relationship man. I'm not big on the relationships. I've been in one and that didn't work so well. He was always trying to be the perfect boyfriend, winning me stuffed animals and kissing me in public. But I didn't want someone to call me honeybee or whatever sickeningly sweet pet name it was that Spinner and Paige shared. I didn't want that. I just didn't want to be hurt.

So I made him promise not to hurt me.

_I rocked his bones_

_He rocked my bones_

_He was alone_

_So I rocked him_

He broke that promise and hurt me. He got expelled because of his involvement with Rick shooting the school. I didn't even know that it was Spinner's fault that Jimmy was paralyzed. And he got expelled. So I couldn't be with him at school, not that I'd really want to be. He had spent so long lying to everyone about why Jimmy was in that wheelchair that I doubted I could ever forgive him. And personally, now that he wasn't with Paige, he had lost most of the appeal.

He was a tool to destroy Paige with.

_She called and asked honey where could he be_

_So sorry girl but your man is with me_

_She called and asked honey where is he_

_So sorry girl but your man is with me_

Paige didn't have her boyfriend anymore. Soon she wasn't that active about Spirit Squad because she was dating Mr. Oleander. She seemed to be losing popularity also. Too many lies can do that to a person. She wasn't little miss perfect anymore and that made me happy. It meant that possibly I was doing the right thing. I had finally been able to knock Paige off of her high horse.

_I rocked his bones_

_He rocked my bones_

_I was alone_

_So I rocked him_

It all started with Spinner. But it ended with me and Paige. And that's how it will always be. Because as much as I hate Paige Michalchuk, I don't think it's hating her that keeps me up at night.


	7. Drink Me Dry

**Title: **How Much For Happy 

**Chapter Title: **Drink Me Dry

**Author: **cherryXbomb

**Rating: **PG-13

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi or the characters Jay Hogart or Alex. I don't own the song Drink Me Dry nor the CD How Much for Happy. I only own the series that I'm writing and since I'm using other people's things… I'm not sure I own that.

**Author's Note: **The song is Drink me Dry from Cassie Steele's CD How Much for Happy. This whole series is just POV pieces from different Degrassi characters and different ships using the entire How Much for Happy CD. I'd suggest that you check out the CD or at least the song because it's beautiful!

**Summary: **

Candy coated death 

_Lined with crystal meth_

_How it takes my breath away_

_It's like suicide_

_To look into your eyes_

_That's where my secrets lay to die_

I cannot believe that he'd do that! I mean, Jay cheated on me. Not only did he cheat, he serial cheated. One time is bad enough, but multiple times, with multiple girls… including my best friend. He's the only guy that I've ever loved and he hurt me so much. He knows all my secrets, he knows more about me than anyone in the world ever has. I know I probably sound like Paige but I feel like I'm going to die without him. He's just been a constant.

_And I feel my body perish in your arms_

_All the pain I felt is_

We never said the love thing. It wasn't our style. But I know that I loved him more than anything pretty much. We were the bad asses and the king and queen of that group. Everyone knew us and feared us. And I never felt safer than when I was in his arms. It was so hard to admit that we were over. That he never loved me as much as I loved him.

_Take my life_

_Drink me dry_

_Eat my soul from the inside out_

_Swallow me_

_All of me_

_Suddenly my veins run dry_

He had my soul and he crushed it into nothing. He didn't ever care. Otherwise he wouldn't have hooked up with Amy… or any of the other skanks down at the ravine. I feel like I could go and beat up every single one of them and still not feel better. I still wouldn't feel as though I'd accomplished anything. I feel like I have just stopped existing without him. I feel like he's killed me by heartbreak.

_Six feet underground_

_How'd you like me now_

_I have set my pain at ease_

_Now leave my heart alone_

_With all my rotting bones_

_So my soul may rest in peace_

And he still wants back into my good graces. No way. That is never going to happen. I have new friends now and I have a new life… one that he will never fit into. I don't care if he became the freaking Prime Minister but he's never getting back into my life. I hate him with everything in me. I didn't think that it was possible to hate anyone this much. I think I hate him more than Amy because I half expect stuff like this from Amy because she's a slut. He's supposed to be better than her.

_And I feel your lips taste me one last time_

_All the pain I felt is_

I've woken up so many nights crying and thinking that I felt his lips on mine, only to find out it was a dream. I won't admit that to anyone. Poor little Alex, crying over some cheating bastard. That isn't going to happen. I'm hard, I don't care. Isn't that what everyone always thinks about me? That I'm uncaring and hurtful. Well, they can think that because I don't care. I don't care about Jay Hogart. I don't care about the pain inside of me that's tearing me apart. I just don't fucking care.

_Take my life_

_Drink me dry_

_Eat my soul from the inside out_

_Swallow me_

_All of me_

_Suddenly my veins run dry_

I don't think I'll ever feel better. No matter how many drugs I take to numb the pain. No matter how many blood drives I help Marco organize or how many jokes about plastic cheese that I make with Paige. There's nothing that can make me feel better. No one can make me feel better. I miss Jay and I hate it. I hate him but I still love him. I just have to deal with it though because we weren't that good together anyway. After all, he's a cheater and I'm the student council VP.


End file.
